Wednesday, July 15, 2015

If I Close my Eyes, Will it Change the Outcome?

I am in full denial mode. I started on a new story that I'm super excited about, but I also got feedback from my agent about my manuscript. I love hearing from my agent. When I see her name in my list of emails I still get that excited feeling like I'm about to open a gift that I've been waiting for. But, for this message there were no butterflies. My stomach didn't flip with its normal buzz. It was confusing and yet, I knew this moment would come.

I've been loving that story for almost three years. I have lived in my protagonist's head in a way that I haven't in any other story. At times I found myself creating her world while driving, and daydreaming as though I was her. Even when working on other stories she was there, her story always the priority, my main love.

There's something about this new story that is diluting my energy for other stories. It has become a stronger pull. I itch to develop this new character that I have already begun to like in a way that is feeling new, yet familiar. I know that I sound like a kid who gets a new doll and no longer wants her original doll that she loved so dearly. I am aware that I have a long way to go on my original story, because hopefully one day soon it will be in the hands of an editor and many changes will have to be made. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not giving up on my manuscript. It still holds a very special place in my heart and I know I will dive in again - and will soon have to. But, for now, I'm pretending to close my eyes and hope that when I open them, another set of revisions will have been done and I can focus my time on my new story, that needs so much work and careful thought. Wish me luck, because reality beckons. 

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