I purposely stayed away from the media last night. I cooked a healthy meal for my family, we listened to music, read a bit and stayed away from social media and television. I went to bed praying the United States wouldn't choose a man who brags about groping women, over a qualified woman. I woke up to the opposite. In my quest for feeling like someplace is "home" I find that Iowa is not home, nor does it want to be. If I am honest, America doesn't want me to feel at home here, either. Last night proved that my neighbors, colleagues and fellow citizens stand for cis-gendered, able-bodied, white males and sent that message loud and clear.
Maybe it came as such a shock because my circle is so liberal. For over a year my feed has been filled with messages of denial that last night's results could be possible. I was shielded from the masses who want to see women and ethnic people "in their place" so I had no idea just how many of them there are. I grew to believe that we're beyond the kind of thinking and actions that are so reminiscent of pre-WWII.
I grossly underestimated the power of fear and sexism that pervades so deep within the core belief systems of America.
To say I am disappointed would be an understatement. I am sad, hurt and feel betrayed by my country. Politics can be what they are, but at the end of the day, in my heart I know that this election was not about policies and government. It was about privilege taking its place above all else once again.
Because the news and other media are taking so much time to dissect this election, I won't attempt it. I wish that my previous feelings of hope and belief that at the core of us all, we want to be good and kind will return, because right now it is a gaping hole.