Around this time a year ago I held my first published work. It was not the novel I envisioned but it was still my writing unleashed for others to read. While it was not the story I ever wanted to write, it was the one that was given to me by life and circumstance. Sometimes that's how things go and what can we do but go along?
In the year that I've owned the book, I have only read through my portion once. I still remember the day I sat to write my entry. I got a message from my grief counselor, who knew I loved to write. She encouraged me and I thought, "Why not? What do I have to lose?" I am glad I did it, although I never thought it would mark my publishing debut. However, it is part of my story and I wrote it in hopes that it could help another person living through the loss of their soulmate.
This past week we would have celebrated thirteen years of marriage. Being married was a lot of work but I loved being a wife. I loved having a partner. I have seen my fair share of marriages that left a lot to be desired. I have seen couples look at each other with disgust and scorn and wondered why they are still together. I was fortunate not to have reached that point. Like any couple, we had our disagreements and there were times I fantasized about loading up my laptop, books and my dog and driving off into the sunset and leaving matrimony and parenthood behind. However, looking back at our seven years of marriage, plus three years of friendship, dating, and engagement, those negative feelings were minimal. For the majority of the ten years I had with my soulmate I loved loving him and being loved by him.
Putting those years into perspective, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that the first story I put out into the world involved our time together and the impact of my loss. C'est la vie and it's my story. May it help the next widow facing a loss as severe as mine was.